SOAPBOX
Soapbox
is
a
column
which
will
be
appearing
regularly
in
the
CNC
Free
Press.
Its
purpose
is
to
discuss
the
lesser-known
pros
and
cons
(professionals
and
convicts)
of
our
school
and
the
time
they
spend
here.
I
am
sure
that
by
the
time
you
read
this
you
will
have
gotten
a
definite
impression
of
our
college
and
of
college
activities
in
general.
Suppose,
though,
that
you
are
a
prospective
student
entering
CNC
for
the
first
time.
What
impression
do
you
receive?
As
you
enter
the
building,
you
notice
a
copy
of
last
month's
edition
of
the
CNC
Free
Press
lying
of
the
furniture,
and
out
of
curiousity
glance
at
its
front
cover
and
accompanying
editorial.
You
will
recall
that
photocopies
of
two
CNC
inter-office
memos
were
upon
the
cover,
both
of
which
dealt
with
our
school's
use
of
the
media.
In
layman's
terms,
these
memos
stated
that
"all
press
release,
advertisements,
brochures,
etc."
would
be
censored
by
Uncle
Charlie
McCaffery
and
his
'Angels'
for
the
purpose
of
ensuring
"an
orderly
and
correct
dissemination
of
CNC
information".
Dis-sem-i-nate
'To
spread
or
send
out
freely
or
widely
as
though
sowing
or
strewing
seed.'
HA
HA
HA
Great
choice
of
verbage,
Chuckie.
The
impression
you
have
so
far
of
CNC
is
beginning
to
bother
your
nose.
For
all
of
you
keeners
out
there
who
are
still
following
this
soap
opera,
on
the
morning
of
November
25th
a
brave
up-and-coming
CKPG
news
team
ventured
out
to
our
school.
They
were
thoroughly
outclassed
by
"ur
veteran
administrative
team,
though.
One,
Charlie
McCaffery
wasn't
even
at
school
that
day.
Two,
on
of
his
'Angels',
Director
of
Student
Services
J.
L
(should
be
J.R.)
MacNeil,
was
also
conveniently
absent.
Three,
our
second
'Angel',
college
P.R.
man
Rod
Maides,
refused
to
talk
on
camera
to
April
Greenlaw
and
Co.
After
watching
the
5:30
news
you
have
suddenly
become
muddled
and
confused
about
attending
CNC.
Back
to
the
game
-
final
score
CNC-3,
CKPG-0.
Poor
April
Greenlaw.
When
I
spoke
to
her
briefly
over
the
phone,
she
seemed
so
happy
and
eager
to
come
to
CNC.
I
actually
felt
a
bit
sorry
for
her
-
she
reminds
me
so
much
of
the
reporter
Billie
on
TV's
'Lou
Grant'.
I'm
betting
that
she'll
soon
be
traded
to
CKMK
Mackenzie
along
with
Celeste
Lancaster,
for
a
good
copy
boy
and
a
sports
reporter
to
be
named
later.
All
in
all,
you
notice,
the
average
CNC
student
is
just
'another
brick
in
the
wall'.
You
remembered
reading
in
the
Prince
George
Citizen
back
in
September
about
registration
i
foul-ups.
But
after
reading
pages
4
and
5
of
the
November
26th
CNC
Today,
you
immediately
dismiss
former
thoughts
of
possible
screw-ups.
I
mean,
why
on
Earth
would
there
have
been
screw-ups
when
R.
J.
Talbot,
Registrar,
staes
on
Page
6
that
the
average
student
will
be
registered
in
less
that
one
hour?
Keeping
in
mind,
of
course,
that
students
registering
in
September
mysteriously
didn't
find
out
about
CNC's
Wayne
and
Shuster
edition
of
registration
until
after
they'd
already
gone
to
register.
Upon
arriving
back
home,
you
discover
a
copy
of
the
November
19th
edition
of
CNC
Today
inside
the
1980-81
calendar
that
you
brought
home
with
you.
You
notice
that
across
the
front
in
yellow
type
it
reads:
"Published
By
The
CNC
P.R.
Department".
CNC's
very
own
unbiased,
honest,
hardworking
P.R.
Dept.
(This
has
been
a
paid
polkical
announcement).
Inside,
you
read,
it
states
that
"As
expected,
vending
machines
are
soon
to
be
seen
on
campus".
It
also
states
that
"the
intent
is
not
to
compete
with
'
CNC's
Food
Service,
but
to
provide
hot
and
cold
drinks,
and
some
food
stuffs
for
those
on
"campus
when
Food
Services
is
closed."
How
nice,
you
think.
The
article
fails
to
mention,
however,
that
when
the
machines
do
arrive,
Food
Services
will
be
closed
evenings
as
well
as
closing
earlier
ever
day.
How
can
the
machines
compete
with
Food
Services
when
the
cafeteria
is
closed?
I'll
let
you
figure
out
that
one
for
yourself.
Another
real
swifty
-
as
you
look
through
your
1980-81
calendar
you
notice
that
on
Page
6
under
"Services
Available
to
Students"
it
list
CNC
Today
but
nowhere
do
you
find
mention
of
the
student
newspaper
you
were
reading.
What
was
that
thing
anyhow?
I
must
be
sheer
coincidence
that
its
name
isn't
mentioned
somewhere
in
the
calendar.
Now
some
readers
may
take
offense
to
what
I
have
written,
especially
administration,
faculty,
and
teachers.
But
let
me
ask
you
-
if
it
weren't
for
this
FREE
newspaper,
would
you
ever
have
gotten
wind
of
some
of
the
events
and
goings-on
I
have
mentioned?
Who
other
than
the
Free
Press
would
even
bother
(or
care)
to
tell
you?
You
are
going
to
say
that
I
am
a
nasty
person
who
enjoys
cutting
down
anything
I
don't
like.
Not
true.
In
reality
I
am
a
very
nice
little
wimp
who
still
believes
in
Santa
Claus,
the
tooth
fairy,
and
in
getting
honest
answers
from
administration
when
I
want
to
ask
a
question
about
the
goings-on
concerning
my
school.
',
is$m.
Confused?
You
won't
be
month's
edition
of
-
Soapbox.
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10
Testing!
Testing!
Testing!
The
following
are
sample
examination
questions
from
unidentified
across
the
country,
with
credit
to
the
anonymous
innovators.
Reprinted
from
"Capital
M,"
a
publication
of
MENSA,
50
East
42nd
Street,
New
York,
N.Y.
10017.
HISTORY:
Describe
the
history
of
the
papacy
from
its
origins
to
the
present
day,
concentrating
especially,
but
not
exclusively,
on
its
social,
political,
economic,
religious,
and
philosophical
aspects
and
impact
on
Europe,
Asia,
America,
and
Africa.
Be
brief,
concise,
and
specific.
MEDICINE:
You
have
been
provided
with
a
razor
blade,
a
piece
of
gauze,
and
a
bottle
of
Scotch.
Remove
your
appendix.
Do
not
suture
your
work
until
it
has
been
inspected.
You
have
15
minutes.
PUBLIC
SPEAKING:
2,600
riot-crazed
aborigines
are
storming
the
test
room.
Calm
them.
You
may
use
any
ancient
language
except
Latin
or
Greek.
MUSIC:
Write
a
piano
concerto.
Orchestrate
and
perform
it
with
flute
and
drum.
You
will
find
a
piano
under
your
chair.
EDUCATION:
Develop
a
fool-proof
and
inexpensive
system
of
education
that
will
meet
the
needs
of
all
segments
of
society.
Convince
both
the
faculty
and
rioting
students
outside
to
accept.
Limit
yourself
to
the
vocabulary
found
in
the
Dick
and
Jane
Reading
Series.
PSYCHOLOGY:
Based
on
your
knowledge
of
their
works,
evaluate
the
emotional
stability,
degree
of
adjustment,
and
repressed
frustrations
of
the
following:
Alexander
of
Aphrodisias,
Ramese
II,
Gregory
of
Nyssa,
and
Hammurabi.
Support
your
evaluations
with
quotations
from
each
man's
works,
making
appropriate
references.
It
is
not
necessary
to
translate.
SOCIOLOGY:
Estimate
the
sociological
problems
that
might
accompany
the
end
of
the
world.
Construct
and
experiment
to
test
your
theory.
BIOLOGY:
Create
life.
Estimate
the
differences
in
subsequent
human
culture
if
this
form
of
life
had
been
developed
500
million
years
ago,
with
special
attention
to
the
probable
effect
on
the
English
parliamentary
system.
Prove
your
thesis.
ENGINEERING:
The
disassembled
parts
of
a
high
powered
rifle
have
been
placed
in
a
box
on
your
desk.
You
will
also
find
an
instruction
manual,
printed
in
Swahili.
In
10
minutes
a
hungry
Bengal
tiger
will
be
admitted
to
the
room.
Take
whatever
action
you
feel
appropriate.
Be
prepared
to
justify
your
decision.
POLITICAL
SCIENCE:
There
is
a
red
telephone
on
your
desk.
Start
World
War
III.
Report
at
length
on
its
socio-political
effects,
if
any.
EPISTEMOLOGY:
Take
a
position
for
or
against
truth.
Prove
the
validity
of
your
position.
GENERAL
KNOWLEDGE:
Describe
in
detail
your
general
knowledge.
Be
objective
and
specific.
College
of
New
Caledonia
33330-22
Avenue
Prince
George,
British
Columbia
V2N1P8
Rm.
1-107
Ph.
562-7441