Horos
(U)Gn)
Mm
5UiDni!
Kll?p)
Taurus:
Tauruses
are
bulls.
What
the
hell
is
that
supposed
to
mean?
People
aren't
bulls,
they're
people.
I
can't
believe
I'm
writing
this
crap.
My
mother
wanted
me
to
be
a
doctor.
My
life
is
a
sham.
I
need
a
hug.
Cancer:
Due
to
the
nefarious
machinations
of
someone
close
to
you,
you
will
wind
up
seeing
Titanic
nineteen
times
this
month.
Besides
giving
you
the
mother
of
all
sore
bottoms,
it
will
also
drive
you
quite
mad.
Cheer
up,
spending
the
rest
of
your
life
wearing
a
drool
bib
isn't
all
that
bad.
In
fact,
Uncle
Jim
wears
one
at
least
half
the
time.
Capricorn:
Capricorns
have
on
thing
on
the
brain
this
month.
Sex!
The
merest
shadow
of
the
possibility
of
the
thought
of
sex
will
drive
them
into
a
frothing
frenzy.
Trees,
fire
hydrants,
legs,
nothing
is
safe
from
their
hormonal
rampage.
Chain
your
local
Capricorn
to
the
bedpost
or
?&zk&i
a
it4
&sy
y$i
fresh
$&&
an&
chx&m
ceekei
sbwly
4595
s
cre&rty
wfeffe
sy
t
hen
ppJ
ff
wili
1
flaky
!Mvrymisl
TorwUtni
Salad
cream
sauctf
Belaid
Wai3Te!
.
.
a
cUss
dewert
ir-alai
fresh
t
Coffee
ClCc
6&23
&wpxfoe
&bfot
face
the
consequences.
Don't
even
ask
him
where
your
poodle's
disappeared
to.
Sagittarius:
Luck
will
find
you
in
all
your
financial
matters
Jhis
March.
Thoughts
will
turn
to
a
long-lost
love.
Time
to
put
old
grudges
aside
and
extend
the
olive
branch.
(Now
who
says
ol
Uncle
Jim
can't
write
"real"
horoscopes?
Ha!)
Gemini:
Gemini
is
the
sign
of
the
twins,
and
in
a
strange
twist
of
fate
your
long-lost
identical
twin
will
show
up
this
month.
But
he's
an
evil
identical
twin
and
he'll
imprison
you
in
an
abandoned
slinky
factory
while
perpetrating
crimes
and
seducing
women
m
your
name.
I
think
Uncle
Jim
may
have
been
watching
too
much
daytime
television
lately
folks.
Aquarius:
Water.
Aquarius
is
an
aqueous
sign
and
water
plays
a
major
role
this
month
for
all
the
Aquarius'
out
there.
Se4'
Layrs
f
txtdir
p3ta
meaty
dSdad
&&$&&
cnk
iPJ
lobster
&&2F&
a
m
ff
dill,
Lwft
jac
and
frrfi
mettfoer&
BistroSouJJle,
j
5
y'
Hsslat
far
6A50
anJttyyl
PenonatAPPIHeS
a6"b(
S
Co.
tsmsfc
s&toL
re$U4
fnnb
san&n
ChicfeenVeggP
Beverages
CoUm-ifnfc!
MOO
Huff
.
HtiSeriy
batym
nut
&25
trtaombrm
Croisants
Chs
Cake
B
WWt
BBHBBBHwpjc
.
Jaqio
tn
aqs
.'sjiMpn.
Lots
of
water.
Gallons.
Rushing
and
swooshing
through
pipes
and
over
waterfalls.
Chances
are
you'll
never
leave
the
bathroom
throughout
April.
Make
arrangements
with
anyone
you
have
to
share
washroom
facilities
with
now
or
be
prepared
to
face
some
very
angry
folks.
Leo:
While
vacationing
at
our
nation's
capital,
the
parliament
buildings
will
be
besieged
by
a
giant,
evil
moth.
The
moth
(having
been
attracted
by
the
lights
shining
off
that
big
green
dome)
will
resist
attempts
by
the
Canadian
military
to
drive
it
off.
All
will
seem
lost
when
at
the
last
minute,
Jean
Chretien
himself
will
arrive
on
the
scene
and
handily
defeat
the
giant
beast
armed
with
only
an
Inuit
carving
and
the
ferocity
that
comes
with
being
part
of
Canadian
politics.
Virgo:
Virgo
this
month
will
Students
receive
a
10
discount
Great
Food
Mouth
Watering
Desserts
Specialty
Coffees
Fun
&
Friendly
Atmosphere
GourmrtSanau-iehe
Omse
f
-
at
wasted
l&ke
2jytz
kt
rat
wast
&!(!
r
Chfrte
$-
Me
ims4
miii-$r&m
bra
cwissarti
f
fWaco
bwi
alfalfa
?nwti
cucumbers,
butirfr
Wtifcc
ehorac
green
pe?pf
Sjfn
nnss-tarcf
M
may
&M
a
aup
gt
garden
$Mjo$
for
mspbr?y
pure
3XW
:il8fe
'eS23se
wi
6SS-
Sushi
Daily
Specials
Specialty
Coffee
Here
to
Satisfy
All
Your
Senses!
Parkwood
Place
-
614-9223
Across
from
London
Drugs
next
to
Famous
Plajers
Open
daily
from
9.00am
to
Midnight
opes
uncover
a
strange
and
machiavellian
plot
right
in
the
midst
of
our
very
own
CNC.
It
turns
out
that
all
those
little
cameras
secreted
away
in
the
corners
of
every
computer
lab
on
campus
are
actually
broadcasting
the
daily
activities
of
students
to
a
foreign
nation's
TV
station
in
a
country
where
sitting
at
computers
and
moving
a
mouse
around
is
considered
absolutely
hilarious.
The
name
of
the
show:
Canada's
Funniest
Students.
Libra:
Uncle
Jim
has
gotten
some
flack
recently
about
negativity
in
his
horoscopes.
Some
people
out
there
feel
that
Uncle
Jim
may
occasionally
say
things
that
aren't
very
uplifting
or
happy.
To
all
those
people
I
say:
Drop
dead.
I
hope
you
die
and
your
body
bloats
up
like
a
big,
smelly,
bloated
carcass-y
thing.
Negativity
my
ass.
Aries:
You
know
what
I've
always
wondered?
How
come
rich
folks
who
are
really
overweight
don't
just
go
out
and
get
some
damn
liposuction
done.
They
have
enough
money
to
go
from
big
to
thin
easily
so
why
the
heck
Rough
Draft
4
don't
they?
Oh,
and
Aries
wil
have
a
nice
month
too.
y
Scorpio:
Uncle
Jim
prides
l
himself
on
tackling
controver
sial
subjects
that
other
publica
tions
would
be
too
pansy
to
take
a
stand
on.
In
the
past
I'i
commented
on
such
hotbeds
ow
controversy
as
mouthwash
f
abuse
and
hamster
abuse.
Wei
I'm
continuing
that
trend
by,
speaking
out
against
the
shamiJ
lessly
poor
treatment
of
the
kJ
and
upper
class.
Those
poor
rich
folks
work
hard,
spendin
J
scads
of
inherited
cash
on
lteml
that
you
could
only
ever
dreaal
of
owning
and
we
dare
to
f
grumble
about
it.
For
shame
people,
for
shame.
f
Pisces:
Remember
when
Saturday
Live
used
to
be
reali
funny?
When
you
wouldn't
pray
for
a
skit
to
end
because)
your
favourite
actoractress
is(
hosting
and
they
look
like
a
fool
doing
this
stupid
show?
'
Uncle
Jim
weeps
bitter
tears
when
he
looks
back
on
those
i
bygone
days
and
so
do
all
I
Pisces'.
Take
heart,
at
least?
still
have
reruns
on
the
Cornell
channel.
con
tftrom
page
jf
..
f
mm
"It's
jusCa
waste
of
time"
she
sawl,
adding
that
students'
never
be
heard
while
using
intimidation
tactics.
"I
remembey
first
one
of
these
in,
1968
at
U
of
T,
and
it
wasthe"exactk
&
on
for
30
years,
and
they
gained
nothing.
I
believe
in
going
i
change
people'srninds."
v
Reaction
among
students
and
faculty
to
the
unusual
protest
"-""vr?-F
'
14
First
year
student
Jason
Smith
says
while
the
protest
has
board
members
something
to
think
about,
students
will
in
ably
end
up
with
a
bad
image,
,
i
"We
haven't
done
anything,
we
haven't
even
gotten
thet
across
-hesaid.
"Whehyougo
In
there
and
you
disrupt!
hadly
that
no
one
can
speak,
it
loses
its
momentum
as
well
But
Greg
Guy,a
linguistics
professor
who
witnessed
the
si
utwc,:,cumcicuuy.
j
4
,,
2"J'm
very
encouraged
to
see
people
activeA
lot
of
the
if
raised
here
were
raised
during
our
strike.
It's
good
to
hear
er
voice,"
During
the
52-day'faculty
strike
last
year,York'
fessors,
spoke
out
against
i
the
growing
.corporate
preseni
campus,
JL
M
"H
.
Ij,
"The
board
will
certainly
have'
learned
from
this,"
a
Glendon
College
professor
David
Clipsham.i
m
But
the
chair
of
the
board
begs
to
differ,
"f
$-i
MJ
"This
kindof
thing'doesn'f
help
tstudents'cause,"
'.
eaHs
Ajr,,
is?Hi
.laWfe
ir-,
,
JNS
"
f"
t
Jf
f