rhe
CNC
Free
Press
March
2000
Sparkler
fizzles
out...
3y
Shaun
Gerow
Listen,
they're
all
just
friends
jntil
you
do
'em.
And
then
hey're
nothing.
-Dottie
Delgado
(Sparkler)
I've
never
seen
so
much
polyester
in
my
fuckin,
life.
-Joel
(Sparkler)
Sparkler
is
what's
called
an
indie-movie
in
Hollywood.
What
that
means
is
a
movie
made
that
was
independently
financed
and
filmed
in
the
hopes
of
getting
a
decent
release
into
theaters.
I
love
to
watch
indie-movies
because
most
of
them
that
I've
seen
range
from
very
good
to
excellent
and
never
get
a
wide
North
American
theatrical
release.
It's
like
finding
a
diamond
in
the
rough
that
you
:an
sort
of
claim
as
being
your
own.
So
the
question
with
Sparkler
is:
Is
it
a
diamond
in
the
rough
or
just
something
that
a
hack
director
tried
to
pass
off
as
something
that's
professionally
made?
Sparkler
revolves
around
a
trailer
park
queen
named
Melba
(Park
Overall
from
t.v.'s
Empty
Nest)
and
opens
with
her
redneck
husband,
Flint
(Don
Harvey),
running
over
a
deer
statue
with
his
pickup
truck
in
the
front
yard
of
MiceGipfe
By
Terry
Brady
You
tore
my
heart
out
to
pieces
Left
me
standing
cold
and
dry
Burned
up
all
the
leases
On
a
love
that
was
never
to
die
I
tried
to
check
into
a
nut
house
But
they
said
I
was
too
crazy
for
it
all
Now
I
lie
quiet
as
a
church
mouse
Waiting
for
your
next
victim
to
fall
You're
a
she-devil
laying
in
wait
I
will
bring
this
madness
to
an
end
Standing
at
deception's
gate
I'm
waiting
for
my
heart
to
mend
You
bet
nice
guys
finish
last
I've
played
that
game
for
too
long
I'm
in
a
movie
with
no
cast
How
could
you
treat
me
so
wrong?
,You
poisoned
my
dog
on
a
Monday
Burned
my
house
to
the
ground
Called
me
a
liar
on
Monday
Your
wickedness
is
so
profound
Get
it
all
out
of
your
system
dear
Please
don't
wait
another
day
I
don't
want
to
live
in
fear
But
I
have
one
thing
left
to
say
I'm
laughing
so
hard
I'm
drowning
in
tears
Looking
at
the
past
Searching
through
the
years
I
don't
know
what
to
say
I
don't
know
what
to
do
I
just
can't
wait
To
get
back
at
you
(You
better
believe
I
will)
their
trailer.
Melba
later
has
to
go
to
the
local
mini-mart
and
when
she
comes
back,
she
finds
her
so-called
best
friend
and
so-called
husband
doing
it.
To
give
you
an
idea
of
how
big
a
redneck
movie
that
Sparkler
is,
I'll
tell
you
that
Melba
then
consults
the
advice
of
a
psychic
over
one
of
those
1-800-it's-only-$5-dollars-a-minute-type
psychic
hot
lines.
And
she
decides
that
it's
time
to
move
on
to
a
new
husband-less
life.
Enter
Trent
(Jamie
Kennedy
from
Scream
and
Scream
2),
Joel
(Steven
Petrarca),
and
Brad
(Freddie
Prinze,
Jr.
from
I
Know
What
You
Did
Last
Summer
and
She's
All
That).
The
trio
needs
to
raise
$3,000
to
cover
their
rent
and
intend
to
travel
to
Las
Vegas
to
gamble
to
get
it.
They
meet
Melba,
who's
spending
her
first
night
alone
in
a
bar
in
fifteen
years.
And
Brad,
despite
not
being
able
to
cover
his
own
rent,
lies
his
ass
off
and
tells
Melba
he's
a
Hollywood
producer.
Melba
decides
she'd
like
a
fresh
start
elsewhere.
So
she
tracks
down
Brad,
Joel,
and
Trent.
She's
nearly
broke
so
she
tracks
down
a
Sleep?
What's
That?
By
Sherry
Dawson
Tick,
Tick,
Tick,
is
the
sound
that
you
hear
as
you
are
laying
in
bed
watching
the
numbers
change
one
after
another?
You
went
to
bed
at
11pm,
and
it
is
now
3am,
and
you
are
still
wide
awake.
You
are
so
desperate
you
start
to
count
sheep,
but
that
does
not
work.
You
say
to
yourself,
"why
am
I
not
falling
asleep?
I
need
to
sleep!".
You
think
a
warm
glass
of
milk
will
help,
and
why
not?
My
mum
used
to
give
it
to
me
all
the
time
when
I
was
younger.
That
fails
to
do
the
trick,
so
it
is
now
4:30
am,
and
yes
you
are
still
lying
in
bed
wishing
that
you
were
asleep.
Finally
it
is
time
to
get
up
and
face
the
day,
but
you
are
not
functioning
well.
You
get
to
school
and
the
professor
tells
you
that
you
look
like
you
have
been
run
over
by
a
Mack
truck.
You
start
the
class
and
by
the
time
it
ends,
you
are
ready
to
pass
out
on
anything
around
you.
If
this
sounds
like
your
nights
that
you
go
through,
then
you
might
be
a
person
with
sleep
deprivation.
This
does
not
include
those
of
you
who
stay
out
until
2a.m.
at
a
party
and
then
complain
about
not
getting
enough
rest.
This
is
for
those
of
you
who
have
so
much
home
work,
that
you
feel
overwhelmed
and
you
just
cant
agree
with
your
bodies
signals
to
sleep.
I
suffer
from
sleep
deprivation.
I
former
friend
named
Dottie
Delgado,
who
works
at
a
stripper
joint
called
The
Crack
and
is
nicknamed
Lady
Luck
Likes
To
Fuck.
She
lives
with
the
manager
of
The
Crack
who
wears
a
tank
top
that
has
the
word
'Pussywhipped'
on
it.
Suddenly,
Melba's
husband
gets
word
that
Melba
has
won
a
million
dollars
and
must
track
her
down
so
she
can
claim
her
prize
within
seventy-two
hours.
Suddenly
Flint
realizes
just
how
much
that
he's
'missed'
Melba
over
the
past
few
days
and
follows
her
to
Las
Vegas.
Does
Sparkler
sound
like
a
bad
movie?
Don't
worry,
it
is.
When
the
climax
of
the
movie
occurs,
you're
either
asleep
or
in
a
coma.
Or
desperately
trying
to
keep
your
eyes
open
to
finish
the
notes
you
need
to
finish
your
video
review
off.
Boring.
The
Final
Word:
Sparkler
has
a
few
decent
moments
but
it's
overshadowed
by
the
(lack
of)
a
plot.
Rent
Sparkler
only
if
you're
bored
and
if
Eyes
Wide
Shut
is
out.
can
go
to
bed
as
early
as
8pm
and
still
be
awake
at
midnight.
I
even
went
as
far
as
going
to
the
doctor
to
see
why
I
could
not
sleep.
At
first
he
told
me
it
was
stress
and
I
agreed
because
at
that
point
I
was
so
stressed
out
with
life.
I
have
learned
some
very
helpful
hints
on
how
to
relax
even
if
you
are
not
sleeping
at
night.
First
you
need
to
eat
well.
Do
not
say,
"well
I
am
not
hungry"
and
not
bother
to
eat
all
day,
then
suddenly
go
home
and
three
hours
latertyou
are
cramming
food
into
your
mouth.
I
never
eat
past
8:30
pm.
Next,
do
some
exercising
and
no,
walking
from
the
vending
machine
to
the
cafeteria
does
not
count.
You
need
to
start
a
program
that
is
right
for
you.
Go
for
a
walk
with
your
sweetheart,
or
take
the
dog
for
a
run.
Then
if
possible
take
a
nap
during
the
day,
even
30
minutes
will
revive
you
and
give
you
the
energy
needed.
The
last
thing
is
to
stay
away
from
caffeine,
I
know
that
is
a
major
thing
because
I
have
not
had
chocolate
or
pop
for
over
two
weeks.
Yes
you
will
go
through
a
withdrawal
but
it
is
the
best
thing
that
I
ever
did.
I
know
that
midterms
are
upon
us,
so
all
you
can
do
when
you
can
not
sleep
is
enjoy
being
awake.
Read
a
book,
watch
TV,
or
do
some
homework.
I
personally
do
not
recommend
doing
your
homework
at
3am.
The
Gift
By
Darin
Gibbs
I
wander
around
town.
I
pass
the
shops
and
something
catches
my
eye
It's
a
dress
It's
perfect
for
her.
With
her
birthday
a
week
away
I
decide
it's
the
perfect
gift
for
the
perfect
girl
I
enter
the
store
and
inquire
about
the
cost
When
the
clerk
tells
me
the
price
my
heart
sinks
like
a
rock
in
a
murky
lake
It
is
three
hundred
dollars,
much
more
then
I
could
possibly
spend.
I
go
home
defeatedly
She
greets
me
when
I
get
in,
her
smile
warmer
then
a
thousand
tires
She
sees
my
face
and
asks
me
what's
wrong
I
casually
say
it's
nothing
but
I
know
she
would
love
that
dress.
My
mind
makes
suggestions
that
she
would
love
anything
I
got
her
it
didn't
have
to
be
that
dress
But
my
heart
swats
the
suggestions
away
like
flies.
I
imagine
her
face
when
she
sees
the
dress
and
make
my
decision
She
smiles
and
nods
excepting
my
casual
reply
I'm
happy
just
to
be
near
her
It's
morning
when
I
leave
the
house.
I
run
around
town
and
finally
find
the
pattern
for
the
dress
I
then
go
around
town
and
buy
all
the
needed
supplies
The
trip
home
is
a
quick
one
I'm
not
even
partially
adept
at
sewing
but
the
image
of
her
smile
pushes
me
on
With
the
supplies
set
out
I
begin
the
monumental
task
I
start
sewing
then
re-sewing
when
I
make
mistakes
My
fingers
are
already
burning
from
the
sharp
strikes
of
the
needle
I
bandage
them
and
continue
on
Four
days
pass
she's
starting
to
wonder
why
I'm
avoiding
her
It
hurts
me
to
do
so
but
I
must
I'm
halfway
done
I
must
step
up
my
efforts
For
More
information
Cain
-800-768-8028
or
www.
royalroads.
ca
You
Can
Get
There
From
Here
Page
09
I
do
well
and
get
a
lot
done
still
it's
not
enough
I
retire
for
the
night
and
wake
up
early
next
mom
Last
day
I
must
finish
today
I
start
immediately
there's
no
time
to
waste
I
sew
with
a
quickness
that
surprises
me.
I'm
getting
close
I
look
at
the
clock
it
is
9pm
My
hands
ache
but
I
ignore
them
and
frantically
get
back
to
sewing
It's
a
race
against
time
I
must
finish
this
I
sew
as
if
possessed
my
quick
strikes
send
thread
flying
through
the
cloth
Deftly
I
create
stitch
after
stitch
Finally
I
look
at
the
dress
and
realize
it's
complete
It
barely
resembles
the
one
in
the
store
but
to
me
it
is
like
the
most
elegant
royal
dress,
Shining
with
the
love
that
I
put
into
making
it
I
quickly
wrap
it
up
then
I
notice
my
hands
They
are
covered
in
bandages
but
it
doesn't
matter
I
look
up
at
the
clock
it's
7:30
am
After
putting
on
some
plastic
gloves
I
begin
to
make
her
a
delicious
breakfast
in
bed.
Walking
up
the
stairs
bearing
breakfast
I
get
to
the
bed
I
softly
call
her
name
it
is
like
the
sweetest
music
She
looks
up
and
accepts
the
breakfast
Noticing
my
hands
she
giggles
and
asks
if
I
did
something
klutzy
again
I
quickly
leave
and
get
the
gift
I
hand
it
to
her
now
unsure
of
her
reaction
She
opens
it
and
gives
the
dress
an
odd
look
Then
she
looks
at
my
hands
and
realizes
the
truth
In
one
swift
moment
I
see
her
look
of
joy
then
I
awake
then
I
am
in
her
tender
embrace
The
world
around
me
melts
away
Suddenly
my
hands
don't
matter
Her
embrace
is
all
I
feel
and
all
I
care
about.
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