I
tt
rasun
Opinion
til
1
LCD.
a
Wk
Andrew
Steele
f
The
month
of
December,
all
its
icy
white
fury
and
rajesty,
has
sprung
upon
us
hapless
Prince
Georgians
like
rabid
lion
upon
a
wounded
elope.
As
the
mercury
E
ilmes,
and
the
frozen
crud
unts,
I
find
myself
pining
those
warm,
lazy
summer
Bights
which
I
so
recently
Kent
doing
not
too
much
of
lythingatall.
But
rather
than
veil
on
the
consequences
residing
recklessly
far
from
lie
equator,
I
feel
it
necessary
lb
elaborate
on
a
much
more
pressing
and
insidious
evil,
me
which
sweeps
down
torn
an
even
more
extreme
northward
stationing
point
to
igulf
us
in
a
frenzy
of
greed
senseless
consumption.
Ki
is
evil
bears
a
name;
It
is
said
in
some
Christian
ircles,
or
so
I
hear,
that
llemons
on
earth
will
be
mown
by
anagrams.
Well,
key
here!
It
seems
that
the
Tie
of
the
single
figure
most
onsible
for
Christmas
;ing
to
be
about
the
birth
(good
ol'
J.C.
is
in
fact
an
nagram
for
the
name
of
the
:
lord,
Satan!
Add
to
this
fact
that
his
costume,
Irtiich
is
predominantly
red
I
black,
is
in
fact
part
of
i
image
developed
by
the
a-Cola
Corporation,
and
fKim
Bonnell
Tried
tested
and
true,
cocaine
tie
driving
force
of
Christm
ured
to
racing
shoppi
cietv
live
without
you
have
one
of
the
baddest
S.O.B.'s
ever
to
deface
a
religious
holiday!
Second
place
considerations
go
to
the
Easter
Bunny.
Sorry,
you'll
get
your
parting
gift
in
the
mail.
So
what
are
we
to
do
about
this
clear
and
present
danger
to
our
way
of
life,
nay,
our
very
existence?
Well,
it
seems
to
me
that
Dubaya
said
something
awhile
back
about
how
the
U.S.
of
A.
is
in
fact
at
war
with
all
the
evildoers.
And
it
seems
to
me
that
nobody
has
a
track
record
in
the
field
of
evil-doing
that
can
rival
that
of
Satan.
I
mean
come
on;
this
is
a
guy
who
lives
in
hell,
for
heck's
sake.
What
could
be
more
badass
than
that?
I've
heard
rumors
that
he
sometimes
possesses
innocent
chickens
and
makes
them
stick
their
heads
in
Ozzy's
mouth,
and
may
even
have
been
directly
responsible
for
Mariah
Carey's
train
wreck
of
an
acting
debut,
Glitter.
Beat
that,
Bin
Laden.
Based
on
the
evidence
we
have
managed
to
attain
here
in
the
Free
Forum's
intelligence
department,
we
coomc
tn
YeM
mssMmii
;?
M0ntne
loiiviriari-v
rnilPhrtA
lAlrailrt
niifsfPTfi
11U1143.
IIW1V
VTWViClfe
WMI
111
I'm
not
sayinoWtlffreal
Santa
is
the
one
io's
been
corisortingith
Cokejrjdgaltte
Jf'lv
wTll!n
!&
vw-Ii
trsir
mrrl
companies
obflion
oth
acuvmes
nerseemsju
enuuisi
i
little
strangJWNorth
Pjf
Ibcation
location
4MmSomewhatM
j
Santayj(age
has
be
(he
hefxisWsomewheri
dreamswidith
him
an
JfeSL,,,,,
itiS
a..
...
r.,
'uuoio
euiu
;erns
aeoaraDhfcat
iqred,
andiso
far.
?3
.
.
.
:wm
...
round,
it
impossibles
letweenjfeaiity
and!
thotjigrids
of
eves
iavingBvedft
worlds
larglSfmanufacturer
of
m
i
T
i
.
.
.
...
unelThatiSlhe
secret
ingredient
in
eggnog
Seriously,
iBon't
know
how
you
people
d
I
non't
ctnnH
irr&if&n
npt
nmrprifiv.nriCfiiTif
iv
hits
and
thresaEEtfiSWBHd'TChs
around
ipping
in
a
manner
that
resembles
chronics
A
Satan
feel
that
it
is
imperative
that
Santa's
despotic
rule
over
the
kingdom
of
the
North
Pole
be
brought
to
an
end.
The
elves
and
reindeer
deserve
democracy,
and
must
be
liberated
from
the
tyrannical
rule
of
this
evil
dictator.
We
also
heard
from
Mary
that
her
brother
Billy
Bob
was
told
by
his
third
cousin
Cletus's
best
friend
Beausifus's
wife
that
Betsy
Sue's
boss
Jimmy
has
an
uncle
Norton
who
said
that
Santa
may
be
developing
Weapons
of
Mass
Destruction,
so
the
time
is
right
to
liberate
the
elves.
In
light
of
this
hard
evidence
of
wrongdoing
on
the
part
of
Santa,
we
propose
that
the
United
States
of
America
carpet-bomb
the
North
Pole.
While
the
incineration
of
the
polar
ice
caps
could
present
some
mild
ecological
h
IBS!
jSelrching
for
theirttiext
hit.
Creepy
people
whisperiraimaer
t
b'anrertes.with
tip
litt
the
ones
with
thsjpu
ief?elfocuPon
not
get
in
the
way.
consequences,
we
feel
that
this
risk
is
miniscule
when
compared
to
the
great
aspiration
of
Dubya
to
free
the
world
from
the
burden
of
their
traditional
political
systems.
The
time
to
act
is
now.
Freedom
will
not
wait.
And
just
think
of
the
gains
in
the
retail
sector
if
that
fat
bastard
were
to
be
shut
down!
Cheap
skate
parents
would
be
forced
to
pay
the
exorbitant
prices
imposed
by
toy
makers
instead
of
allowing
elfish
slave
labor
in
the
North
Pole
to
fill
the
gap.
This
would
mean
a
massive
influx
of
holiday
shoppers
to
Wal-mart,
there-by
sending
our
dollars
to
human
slaves,
rather
than
those
of
some
near
extinct
race
of
sawed
off
freaks
in
pointy
hats
and
shoes.
And,
without
those
pesky
ice
caps
in
the
way,
blocking
up
access
and
slowing
down
progress,
we
could
start
drilling
for
oil
from
the
North
Pole!
Everybody
wins!
The
evidence
is
clear
and
staggering.
If
we
fail
to
act
now,
Santa
will
kill
us
all
in
our
sleep.
Join
the
army,
and
don't
forget
to
buy,
buy,
buy
up
your
Christmas
cheer.
After
all,
that's
what
this
season
is
all
about.
Seriously
though,
I
hope
you
all
have
a
safe
and
happy
holiday.
Peace.
itose
MtM
Jetty
nts.
e
tips'
or
some
crazv
thing.
3met
tagjtnd
yoiicf
betten
r-
'
Times
likeihese
make
mealad
I
don't
liveJ
a
big
bigliSPjmean
ymm&BSjufhore
ChrMfiiassriecials
JSSGo&mf
parents
w&ittiftnn
nvHSttiAir
larisolnkle
Mfi
Eimo.
WSarf
I
itaomthat
was
a
wftago
butthparnpfistill
Istanris.
and
donwlnt
to
befovMhat
AlTStuff
reaflv
haDDensilAWdjihe
Chnstmas.iftusicrtha'
&;
HwjmiBtmM&idSn&iNK
mami
Phnctmoe
Afith
M'onr
"
inciiy
vi
ii
iiiiiu
Him
ivfjriiv..
AnH
haliowo
it
nr
nnt
nnt
oxorvhnrlv
nut
thprfi
MIKWM?.J&i2tilMa
:
i.iet
otH
oho.it
1rthdVjfetKjllIday
that
is
transcending
Christtarrborders.
weveapeen
dragged
through
the
over
commercialized
rant
S0
$N
"
"
f
;
K
K
S
here
else
will
you
get
the
energy?
and
shown
the
way
back
to
the
true
light
and
meaning
of
Christmas
by
that
same
special
on
tv,
but
seriously
like
a
quarter
of
revenue
for
almost
all
r
department
stores
is
earned
in
December.
not
just
Christians
that
are
celebrating.
I
know
there
are
other
winter
holidays
from
other
eligionsthat
involve
the
givinagifts,
but
this
hasjpecome
more
of,
a
way
olffiferthaii
a
simple
hntmm?:-i-
:
-i
mm
Agvho,
rant
at
anp
With
tonsjeft
to
rant
,aboulfut
tryjpPeWeousarfdnorgiving
Iwhyrfshoppirffl?
paflelCwith'-staff
at
all
the
stored
and
dombkillifourself
or
anyone
else
in
.thfjfad
huraetwheyr.
You
m&y
think
the
'
JpK
mm
Disclaimer:
No
one
at
the
Free
Forum
does,
or
endorses,
the
use
of
cocaine.
Say
no
to
Santa's
magic
pixie
dust
this
winter,
and
watch
out
for
'sugar'
cookies
and
white
f
rostmgs'.