Ridicularium
Once
more,
it
is
time
to
venture
into
the
land
of
the
comically
absurd.
In
our
ongoing
quest
to
bring
you
the
greatest
inanities
from
around
our
sacred
mudball,
we
here
at
the
Ion
have
deemed
it
appropriate
this
month
to
discuss
the
escalation
of
shopping
related
stress
and
profanity
around
the
Christmas
season.
Having
worked
the
last
two
holiday
seasons
in
retail,
I
can
say
with
some
authority
that
people
become
evil,
petty
beings
as
Christmas
approaches.
The
degree
of
verbal
abuse
they
issue
toward
hapless
clerks
and
each
other
appears
to
directly
correlate
to
the
proximity
to
said
holiday.
Isn't
Christmas
supposed
to
be
about
spreading
joy?
These
people
come
to
stores
on
Christmas
Eve,
then
feel
justified
in
having
a
total
meltdown
if
the
item
they
are
after
happens
to
be
sold
out.
It
defies
explanation.
Of
course
certain
things
will
be
sold
out
that
close
to
the
holiday!
We
don't
stock
one
copy
of
House
season
2
for
each
consumer!
Think,
people!
-
And
the
worst
part
is,
it's
the
same
people
who,
year
after
year,
procrastinate
their
shopping
till
the
absolute
last
second,
then
freak
out
when
they
can't
get
what
they
want.
It
stuns
me
that,
with
their
incapacity
to
learn
even
basic
concepts,
these
people
have
yet
to
be
mowed
down
by
a
dump
truck
while
playing
tiddly
winks
in
heavy
traffic,
exchanges
on
Boxing
Day.
3
College
of
New
Caledonia
-
CNC
ion
And
the
shenanigans
don't
stop
with
the
passing
of
Christmas.
Oh
no.
Next
is
the
joy
and
privilege
of
Boxing
Day.
First
off,
the
sales
aren't
even
that
good!
Sure
you
can
sometimes
get
a
screaming
deal
on
something,
but
for
the
most
part
the
discounts
barely
even
cover
the
taxes.
But
people
still
swarm
retail
outlets
with
great
vengeance
and
furious
anger,
and
God
help
you
if
you
have
to
explain
to
one
of
them
that
there
will
be
NO
returns
or
exchanges
on
Boxing
Day.
Anyway,
that's
the
ridiculous
phenomenon
that
got
me
bent
out
of
shape
this
month.
Next
month;
7-11
nacho
cheese.
Happy
New
Year,
all
By
Andrew
Steele
f
f
:
-
&
,
s