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some hospital pajamas. She told me to get changed and stood
there watching me. I was humiliated. To change in front of
your loved one was one thing, in front of a stranger was
another. I slowly took off my clothes and put on the paja-
mas. The nurse asked me if I wanted to answer it. Somehow
I managed to shake my head no. I watched from the floor
as the nurse put my belongings into the bag, including my
socks and shoes. She helped me to the bed and I sat. Rocking.

Crying. The hospital staff contacted my husband. He arrived at

ee the hospital panicked, concerned and feel-
cee goes ing deceived. Why hadn’t I told him? How
Ree ee could I keep something like this secret? I
a |
RS ae had no answers for him except the tears that
Bee continued to fall. He didn’t stay for long.
RN EG tan ean ork "
BEURORR Es He hates hospitals.
es
eee When I was committed to the psych ward,
NE Bea ¥ ;
ee I was forced to stay for 3 days. During
See ee ee
a,
Co those 3 days I was watched 24/7. I did
i EES SERN
Ree Se : 5 ‘
oe = nothing by myself. I was watched while |
a was supposed to be sleeping, while I ate,
a See showered. I had no privacy. None. I spent
Sop ees . ;
a. most of those 3 days in the room pretend-
; '
An Beaty ing to sleep. I didn’t want to talk to the
other patients. I wasn’t one of them. At
_ * night I lay awake listening to their crying
and moaning. I felt the same despair, but
had no tears left to cry. I became angry and refused to eat. I
was angry at myself, the world and depression.
After the first three days they moved me into another
room. It was more comfortable than the first room having a
hospital bed, a cupboard, a sink, a mirror and a window that
captured the morning sun. As terrifying as the first days and
nights were, the ward oddly became a safe haven. I couldn’t

leave. [ had no responsibilities. They told me when to do

teal
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